Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.

Hi parents, I've been studying about discovering my SHAPE which is:

[S]piritual gifts

[H]eart beat

[A]bilities

[P]ersonality

[E]xperiences

As we train up our kids, the verse says train them they way they should go. That means THEIR SHAPE WILL BE DIFFERENT THAN OURS. Yes, we train them in the ways of the Lord, and teach them walk a christian lifestyle, but as the grow it is our responsibility and privilege to see their personalities bloom and to help mold them to be the person God wants them to be. Occasionally they may follow in our footsteps, but we shouldn't try to mold them into what we want them to be, or to recreate our lives through them.

Spiritual gifts: We need to help them discover their spiritual gifts and help develop those gifts in church. For example, if they have the gift of mercy, we should take them to the hospital to visit a sick church member, or if they are gifted in hospitality we should teach them to have a fun party with their friends. (yes, I love to teach my kids how to party)

Heartbeat: They are learning what their passions are right now. We need to lead them to link their heart with God's heart. They're learning from us what their heartbeat will be. We need to show them Jesus in our every day lives. We can share with them our dilemmas and how we made our choices. Our home should be worshipful, fun, loving, peaceful. As we share our passion for Christ, they will be inspired and become passionate too.

Abilities: We need to pray every day for God to show us their abilities so we can channel their energies in a positive way. If our child really loves sports, we should encourage them to be the best they can be, but if they don't we shouldn't force them. If they are doing sports, we should teach them cooperation, good sportsmanship, caring for others, teamwork. It isn't about screaming at them to do better from the sidelines, but to encourage them and build them up as they do their best while coaching them, practicing with them, going to their games. If they like singing but they are shy, we may need to give them lessons and give them opportunities to be on stage. They may not like it in the beginning, but we are also supposed to help them stretch! It is a hard line sometimes between stretching and pushing, but patience and prayer is the key. Pray for them to have opportunities that only God can provide and He will provide amazing opportunities.

Personalities: It is so fun to study the birth order of our children. It isn't always accurate, but it helps to know what the experts say. (“The New Birth Order” by Kevin Leman is one of my favorite books.) In my experience, each kid has their own unique way of fitting in while trying to stand out. I have 4 kids that are very different. They all love God, but they come at it from different angles. I like to tell them that God made each of us different and their unique talents are needed to make the family complete. We need to have mutual respect for each member of the family, just like we do with God's family.

Experiences: We don't want our kids to hurt. More than anything we want to protect them and have provide them a sheltered, safe environment. That is good and normal, but when things go bad, we can teach them how to work these things for good. When they get bullied at school, instead of saying “just tough it out” or going to the teacher to complain, we can say, “I wonder what this kid is going through at home? Maybe his parents are split up, or maybe he is hungry. We might not know why a bully is mean, but we can start praying for him/her and try to witness God's love to this person. Lets pray right now...” Our child will have a new mission to try to show love instead of vengeance. That experience may lead to the bully becoming saved. With the difficult experiences that our children live through comes a teaching moment that we can be sensitive to. We may have a hard time talking to our children, but if we are available to them, they are more likely to come to us.

All these suggestions take time and effort. Whew it is hard to help SHAPE our kids the way God wants them to be molded, but with God all things are possible. He has given us these kids so we can help them grow into men and women of God.

Lord, Help me to take the parenting task seriously. Show me how to SHAPE my children to be the sons and daughters of God that you desire to use for Your kingdom. Help me to be sensitive to your leading and know when to help them stretch and when to just sit and listen. Most of all, help me to be the best example I can be as I learn to follow you with my SHAPE too. In Jesus name, Amen